The Feeling of Abandoning the Field

In my weekly pastoral letter to my congregation here in Midland Michigan, I spoke of a feeling that I have. It is a feeling I know makes no rational sense, but I have long believed that feelings are not necessarily supposed to make rational sense. They are the soul trying to tell me something. Let me quote that letter…

In the past few weeks, I have heard story after story from congregants and friends about how they may be affected by the political upheavals here in the State of Michigan. I have watched as the locally elected government of Benton Harbor is told that they no longer have any authority, by an Emergency Financial Manager. I saw video of pregnant African American young women being dragged out of their High School in cuffs in Detroit, after daring to have a “sit-in” during spring break to protest another Emergency Financial Manager’s decision to close their school. I have sat with soldiers in my unit as they have told me of how impossible it seems for them to find a job in this state. I have had someone with a criminal record tell me of that same impossibility. And, I’m afraid we are only seeing the beginning.

As your Interim Minister, I knew that when I came to Michigan it would only be for a year. I knew that I would be leaving the congregation, having just really gotten to know you, and love you. I knew in my heart that I would have the privilege to prepare you for a settled minister, and then to leave knowing you were in good pastoral hands. I knew that, when Sandy and I make our journey in late July to Ventura, California, we would have some grief and sorrow at leaving. We were prepared for all of that.

I was not prepared for what is happening right now in our state. I was not prepared for Michigan to become the center of the need to defend Democracy (the UU 5th Principle) against corporate and government over-reach. I was not prepared for a governor to take away the power of local government, or for young pregnant women to be dragged in cuffs out of their school. I was not prepared for a Midland institution to think it is okay to use the Freedom of Information Act to snoop through the emails of faculty at state universities to see if they can find dirt to get them fired.

And because I was not prepared for what is happening around us, I was not prepared for the irrational feeling I now have. And that feeling, is that when I leave Michigan this summer, I will be “abandoning the field”, in old-soldier language.

Doesn’t have to make sense… it’s just how I feel.

Now, I have received several emails from congregants seeking to tell me it’s okay to feel this way, and that there will be plenty of work around Social Justice to do in California, and that there will be plenty of people to do the work we liberals and progressives need to do here in Michigan. I happen to know the candidate for the settled ministry here in Midland quite well, and if he is called (as I fully expect him to be) as the next minister, I believe he could actually do a much better job on the issues of social justice than I. You should have seen his eyes light up when he realized that, serving as the UU Minister in Midland, Michigan means that you get to engage groups like the Mackinac Center (of recent Rachel Maddow fame). It is right downtown… (I know, bad pun).

I also have a realistic understanding that even if I was able to stay, what I could accomplish in Michigan would be limited… The issues and challenges to democracy facing this state are so large that it will take a mass movement of dedicated people, and time, to make a difference. I am certainly not key to any of that work. Except for a few protests, I have been so dedicated to my Interim work and my military ministry to become deeply involved. I have even limited my engagement in Midland for fear of setting up an expectation for the next minister that they might or might not be willing or able to meet.

And yet, the feeling of “abandoning the field” persists. I think I now have an inkling of what many of my soldiers have felt like, as they cycled home after a rotation of duty in Iraq or Afghanistan… of why they wanted so much to go back after they were home. They knew that there were others carrying on the work, doing the mission… and yet their sense of duty was calling them to stay or return to Iraq or Afghanistan to “continue the mission”.

I am looking forward to the challenge and adventure of my upcoming ministry in Ventura, California. I am honored to have been chosen for the exciting position with the UU Church of Ventura. I have been following California politics and issues with increasing interest over the last few months. I have been doing some spiritual preparation to take a leadership role in a congregation over twice the size of my current one… and transitioning to a different military unit. I have been giving spiritual reflection to what it will mean to share another minister’s ministry.

And, I have felt some guilt each time I think of what is happening here in Michigan. As cities and school districts have their elected representatives disempowered, and as unions have their bargaining rights taken away, as teachers come to me to tell me they may have to move, because they can’t pay their bills under the new salary arrangements, as young people tell me about how they can’t find work, as I see the challenges of those who have a criminal record in this state, as I see domestic programs being cut just as I am searching for ways to help families in need… as all of this is happening, a part of me wonders if I was right and justified in choosing to leave…

Perhaps, just perhaps, instead of being here amidst this fight, I am called to take the message of what is happening here beyond our borders. Because if at times it seems unreal here, what is happening here in Michigan must seem unreal to the rest of the nation. They could not really be sending dictators to take over local governments, could they? Perhaps I am being given the opportunity to share the message beyond these borders.

Perhaps…

Yours in faith,

Rev. David